Comment on 8 faves.....

8 Favorite Things Tag:

8 Favorite TV Shows (I can only pick 8?):
1. Gossip Girl
2. Heroes
3. Grey's Anatomy
4. ER
5. 24
6. The Biggest Loser
7. The Hills
8. The Office

8 Favorite Restaraunts:
1. Cafe Rio
2. Johnny Carino's
3. Senor Iguanas
4. Winger's
5. Zupa's
6. Paradise Bakery
7. Burger Supreme
8. Market Street Grill

8 Things That Happened Yesterday:
1. Finished last week's episode of Heroes
2. Slept
3. Got a diet coke and didn't drink the whole thing (sad!)
4. Got harassed all night at work
5. Made chicken and stuffing casserole
6. Had 'group therapy' with Amber
7. Precepted Kristen
8. Talked to my mom

8 Things To Look Forward To:
1. Jenna coming down this weekend
2. DJ coming home from the Philippines
3. Getting my hair cut and colored
4. 2 weeks off of work
5. Christmas in Florida
6. Senor Iguana's with the family
7. Visiting Jane and Becky in NYC (date TBD)
8. Listening to Christmas music

8 Things I Love About Fall:
1. The pretty leaves
2. Pumpkin Shakes
3. The smell of fall in the air
4. BYU football games
5. Long-sleeved t-shirts
6. Park city
7. Soup
8. Halloween candy

8 Things On My Wishlist:
1. NYC
2. Seattle
3. Rely on less sleep
4. Eat anything I want without consequences (isn't that on everyone's wish list?)
5. Own my own house
6. Decorate my house like a pottery barn catalogue
7. More money-less work
8. Legs that look cool when I walk

8 People I Am Tagging:
1. Deb
2. Marie
3. Carrie
4. Laura
5. Janey
6. Jess
7. Jamie
8. Janice

Comment on my own kind of therapy.....

Judging from my last post I'm sure that you can tell I've had a rough few days. I was up one night (the night of the last post actually) trying to figure out what might help me to feel better or what I could do. I decided to try to remember what I put in my box so many years ago (seriously Marie that analogy is fantastic-I will steal from it and use it forever) and I seemed to recall vaguely that when I was upset I would 'get thee to the mountain'. I wasn't sure if I would have the energy to do so but I put it in my realm of possibilities list.


So Saturday, after a hearty spin class, a nap, and lunch with Steff and Lisa at the Citrus Grill, I decided to run a few errands. I hit a couple of shoe stores and stopped off at Tar-jay to get the latest Kenny and Coldplay (heart them both, although I haven't listened to Kenny yet but I'm sure I will heart it when I do). I then found myself headed east to unchartered territory:


Big Cottonwood Canyon





I figured that this canyon would provide the ruggedness and mountain smell I needed, and although it wasn't my familiar drive up Provo Canyon with DMB playing, Coldplay seemed to fill the void. I found the canyon quite beautiful and I think I could actually put it in my list of drives I need to take to clear my head.


So I thought my drive would be done after I got to the 'end of the road' aka Brighton, but I noticed a sign pointing to another road that said Park City/Midway. Huh, I thought, well, why not?


I headed up said road, past the signs that indicated that indicated the lack of winter maintenance, past the snowboarders practicing for winter on the snow that hadn't melted from the storm a couple of weeks ago, up to the top of the mountain where the paved road ended. I could see Midway-I waved to Tara (could you see me?) and pondered whether to turn around or keep going on the dirt road. I saw a subaru head down what I considered to be unchartered territory and I thought-am I going to let a subaru show me up? I think not! So I headed down the road as well. It wasn't too bad and the CR-V performed well. I got to a fork in the road that said Park City to the left and Midway/Bridal Veil Falls to the right. I decided to head for Park City-I mean that's what I used to do back in the day, so why not do it now?






20 minutes later (seriously Tara that road is a shortcut-if you're adventurous :o) ) I found myself buying one of these:



I then stopped off for a coke at the Top Stop (why mess with tradition) before winding my way over here:



for a little retail therapy. I actually wanted to walk around-I wasn't ready to go home yet, and the outlets are great for that. While chatting with Janey via cell phone I picked up a couple of workout shirts at Nike, made a stop at PacSun because apparantly I don't feel that 32 is too old to wear Roxy/Volcom/element/Hurley. Banana Republic was good to me, it's rapidly becoming one of my favorite stores. And they have added a Columbia outlet which I rather enjoyed. But I digress.

It became dark and I realized that I probably should head home. After a tearful conversation with my mother and a stop at our local (very popular) McDonald's for:
I finally arrived home. Where I caught up on Tivo, rewatched all the episodes of The Office thus far this season (I needed to laugh) and finally went to bed around 6 (kind of like what's happening tonight/this morning).
Thinking about my version of therapy (mountains/PC/music) I realized a few things:

• No matter where your friends are they are always available by cell (this will be good to remember for later)
• I have lived here for over a year. One of the reasons I moved back here was because I wanted to be able to escape to the mountains. This is the first time I've done that, making my last escape to the mountains back in 2001. What the???? No wonder I'm all messed up
• It's ok to go off on my own
• All these things will be for my experience and will do me some good
• I need to make good use of my days off by getting away once in awhile
• I will be shopping at PacSun until I'm 40. Or 50. Maybe 45.
• I'm still not ok, it will take some time, but at least I'm ok with not being ok. Ok?

Comment on 'I statements'

I went to bed early last night to try to make up for the unrestful sleep I had during the day after my shift.
I woke up at 2:30am for no good reason and instinctively looked at my phone-I had 2 new texts from Jane.
Jane says,"are you ok?"
I take a sec to think, as the tears start to fall for the millioneth time it seems in the last 24 hours....
No, I am not ok.
I am not dead inside
I feel trapped (trapt?) by insecurities
I have lost my box and I can't find it
I feel dark and twisty AND scary and damaged NOT bright and shiny
I am stuck in a moment and I can't get out of it
I am incapable of expressing myself verbally
I need to get out of this apartment and do something
I need to get dressed in something other than scrubs
I need closure
I realize there are so many things in life that are out of my control
I hate being out of control
I am not supposed to be emotionally involved
I am not progressing
I don't know how to progress
I know that life isn't fair, it's been beaten into my head since childhood
I feel selfish
I am trying to understand
I hold myself to standards that are impossible to reach
I feel inadequate
I am feeling very human, so.....no
I am not ok

Comment on the brother.....

Jenna, little d and myself at his farewell.
Notice the height difference between my sibs and myself.

My fave pic of little d at a St. George golf course.

Little d enjoying the good life in business class on the way to Manila when
they lived there. His flight there (and back!) as a missionary was (and will be)
quite different.


Little d all comfortable with all kinds of time during our first 24
weekend-we covered seasons 1&2 in one weekend.

S/P our Green Hills shopping trip in Manila. L.D.'s job
was to keep Jenna from wandering off by herself and stressing
out our bodyguards.

Both of us rocking out at the Kenny Chez concert in 2006

D in my sponge bob gettup for pyjama day at Highland H.S.


October 15th aka tomorrow (or today if you are reading my blog on the 15th) is my little bro's birthday. He's the big 2-1, he's serving a mission in Quezon City, Philippines and he's coming home November 13th-less than a month from today! Yea! So today's blog is dedicated to him.



I was 11 when DJ was born-I was so excited to have a baby in the family-not that I was necessarily excited to have a brother I was more excited to have a baby in the house. I even moved DJ's crib into my room so I could take care of him because well, I like to take care of babies.



5 years later when DJ was in morning kindergarten and I was a senior in high school sometimes I would go home at lunch and take DJ to school with me-I only had one class after lunch and I was an aid for the activities director-my main job was to refill the pop machines, so I'd let DJ pick out a drink for himself and then pull him around on the wagon full of drinks as we went from machine to machine.



DJ has gone thorugh many nicknames-DJ, little Tim, Tim, Little Prince, LP, Little D, D. I address all of my emails to him on his mission as Elder d, get it, Elder little d? haha. I'm funny. Another side note: my legs are the length of his arms. Think about that one for a minute.



I went to BYU and stayed there after I graduated, and I was always worried that I wouldn't get to know DJ as well as I wanted to because I left home when he was so young-but don't worry-I got to move back home after my mission to go to ISU and D and I became way close. It's great!



When we were both in Pocatello we had some routines that we would do: I would harass him about how much text messages he would send out (over 2000 a month), he would harass me about my height, we would enjoy watching Laguna Beach and ER, not to mention 24 parties. And then there's all the golf. We would enjoy Masters Sunday (the only day it's acceptable to come home early from church) as well as Ryder Cup Sunday (the other only day it's acceptable to come home early from church). I would cheer for Phil, D would cheer for Tiger. Kenny Chesney in concert-it's about to become a tradition. Bribing him to run errands with me with the promise of fast food (it stems from his soccer games as a young child when my dad would promise him happy meals if he'd get close to the ball). Lots of fun memories.



DJ is quite spoiled and gets pretty much everything he wants, but I'm not bitter at all. I don't even mention it to my parents any chance I get. Nope, not me. But even though he is the L.P., he's still good to his sisters. He is quite helpful when I would get home from trips, bringing in my luggage for me, bringing in groceries, acting as the peso fairy, catching mice, etc. I'm sure Jenna will appreciate these perks when he lives with her. He will also be taking care of me in my old age. I don't even know what I'm worried about retirement. His future wife better like us. But this will be good-Jenna will be screening in Pocatello so I'm sure it'll work out just fine.



Anyway those are just a few of my little d thoughts. I can't wait for November 13th-I think about it every day and get very excited. Hopefully time will pass quickly. Love ya d!

Comment on purging.....

No, not that kind of purging-don't you know me at all and my huge aversion to throwing up?


I'm talking about the purging of stuff and clutter (that drives me insane) which tends to come with the change of the seasons, which made my closet go from this:





















To this:




















After re-hooking up this: (just for the night)

















So I could watch this:






















Until 3a.m. when I declared myself (almost) finished.

The End

Comment on free dinners.....

So after all the honesty I did go to the gym. On the way I called Lisa to see if she would be interested in joining in on some Cafe Rio for dinner. Of course Lisa was in-who could turn down Cafe Rio? Especially since today was fasting day for Uncle Jim who had a kidney removed d/t the big C.

Sidenote: They got it all! Yea! Hopefully chemo will not be involved.

So after the gym and a much needed shower, Lisa got home from her own gym experience and we headed out to the Rio.

Ordering food at C.R. gives me anxiety. You have to shout out your order and it's made about 20 feet down the line from where you're standing. Plus there's the whole ESL issue, and the loudness. Luckily I was able to get in my extra limes and no corn chips please. I'd like to be able to digest my dinner thank you very much. The time came to pay and I turned in my frequent diner card, only to realize I had already purchased my 10 dinners-this one was on the house! It's only taken since 2005 folks but it can happen! And surprise surprise, dinner comes with a drink-and Lisa got hers free too! I don't usually imbibe caffeine after 3pm unless I'm on a night shift but I could not deny-I chose Diet Dr. Pepper and I was not disappointed. I think that was gone before the salad.

Now the salad is gone, and I am happy, and back on the couch (the DDP could quite literally keep me awake until 4am) trying to decide when to take an ambien so my night's rest won't be a complete loss and watching season 1 of Grey's. I need more Seattle in my life-but more on that later-until then-I'm out......

Comment on honesty.....

Since I'm all about honesty I thought I'd announce to my blog-reading audience (if there are any of you out there) the following:

1. I haven't showered in 2 days (I think)
2. I'm not sure what day it is exactly (refer to #1)
3. I've been watching reruns of 90210 and OTH (which I don't even really care for)
4. I've been blog-stalking since noon
5. I am on cleaning strike-it takes way too much effort
6. I may or may not work out today (I can't remember the last day I went to the gym, I know it was this week, but well, refer to #2)
7. I think it's funny that we get emails at work about how long our needs list is yet when I sign up for extras I get cancelled (refer to my facebook status)
8. The dog downstairs is barking incessantly
9. My car is still parked in the covered parking spot and I probably should move it so Lisa can park there, however..... (refer to #6)
10. I haven't moved from my spot on the couch since 7:23am (see pic above)
11. I may or may not get Cafe Rio for dinner it all depends on what happens with #6
12. Maybe I will go to the gym........